Things We Do

For the past year or so, my sister, LL, and I have exchanged pretty regular text messages. It's an easy way for us to communicate since we have pretty different schedules. We use our texts both to actually communicate important information as well as to complain, tell jokes, and basically just keep each other company.

Today, during our conversation, LL began creating presidential emoticons. I thought I'd share them with you all...

:-€

Teddy Roosevelt

(:-0

George W. Bush (doing his eyebrow thing while saying "nucular")

:-;

Bill Clinton (half smile)



Any others, readers? So many presidents, so little time...

Who Said That??

My sister's voicemail service transcribes her messages and emails them to her. I was walking home from a friend's apartment the other day and thought I'd call her to chat for my 10-minute walk. She wasn't there, so I left a quick message wishing her well in her Christmas sewing project and hoping she wasn't feeling too ill, as she has been sick in the past couple of weeks.

This is what it emailed to her. She forwarded it to me. I cannot even figure out what I was saying from it, and I'm the one who left the message:

"Hey, it's me. I was just walking home from Summer I'm looked at 10:00 on Monday but I call and see how you were. But hope you're having a great day and I cannot choose where to go eat and that Jim is going well do not tell probably what you're doing. You're probably sleeping to Jim Grant. Anyway, hope it's going well and I'll talk to you later. I love you. Bye" 

Ho Ho...Huh?

There's a court officer at the building where I work who looks a LOT like Santa Claus. Really, really a lot.

I would not be surprised to find out that he worked as a Santa on the weekends. I would be surprised if he came down my chimney on Christmas Eve, but that's mostly because I don't have a chimney.

The other day, one of the other court officers was being pretty rude to a woman in line to enter the building. This is really out of the ordinary--they're basically a lovely bunch at this building. This guy was CRABBY though.

Then, the Santa Claus officer told the woman not to mind the officer, because he was a "mean, angry bastard."

So, now I'm pretty sure he's not Santa Claus, as I've never heard a Santa say that.

I had to stifle my laughter all the way up to the office, when I promptly burst out laughing and sent a text message to my sister.

I only saw the angry court officer today and not the Santa officer. I was a little disappointed.

But you know, this close to Christmas, it's probably hard for him to be at court...

WHAT??

All I do is write on a blog. It's certainly not professional, and no one pays me for anything I do here. (In fact, no one pays me for anything I do right now. Interesting. I should work on that.)

In any event, as an unpaid, non-professional blogger, I feel totally fine making fun of weird sentences and headlines in the commercial media. I know I'm not perfect, but some of these people need to try a bit harder

Here are some of my favorites I've seen lately:

• Headline: Men who have cancer more likely to die from it (Ed.: uh, yeah, men who have cancer are lots more likely to die from it...than men who don't...pretty sure we're missing something here.)
• A line from an article: Brunch said it's remarkable that Berger survived--at least more than half of people whose hearts stop die.  (Ed.: Really? At least more than half of them??)
• A line from another article: The Disaster Preparedness Commission met biannually some years, but there are gaps in which there is no record of a meeting. (Ed.: Please, google "biannually.")

Is it just me? Has law school made me too critical in my reading? Or do we just have a lot of sloppy professional writing on our hands?

Duty Done

Several of you have asked how jury duty went. Here's the rundown.

I was summoned to New York Supreme Court for jury duty. In New York state, the Supreme Court is the lowest court, or the regular trial court. (Just go with it--I know it's weird, but that's how it works here.)

Basically, I showed up to a hot, crowded room. We were having unseasonably warm weather in the city, and apparently, their heating system couldn't account for that. (That's also something you just have to go with--that happens a lot here as well...New York is weird...) The crowd of us (about 100 in my room, more at other locations) received the same instructions as were on our paper notifications, and then the person in charge proceeded to answer questions regarding that exact same material several times.

Then we waited.

And waited.

They called one jury. How it works is a case is ready for a jury, so they call down and get names. I was called to the civil term, which means my group was only hearing civil cases. In New York, a civil jury is six people, plus two alternate jurors, so they needed eight for each case. They drew 32 names out of a box and sent those people in for voir dire, which is the fancy legal term for jury questioning.

My name wasn't one of them.

And then we never got another case that day. They usually have three cases per day, but that day was light, I guess. Lots of parties settled, I suspect. Eventually, they sent us home.

The next day, I came back. And we waited.

And waited.

And then just before lunch, they decided that they didn't need us for any cases and our jury service was over, and they released us. Since it was just lunchtime, I headed back to chambers to work.

One person fell asleep in one of the rooms where I sat. Well, maybe more than one person, but only one person snored.

Another person listening to his headphones kept humming along. The room was pretty silent, and he didn't seem to realize that none of us could hear the music he heard--we just heard him.

I didn't have cell service, but I did have wifi, so I got a fair amount done, and now I've done my civic duty for SIX YEARS, folks!

Not too shabby.

What Jury Duty is Like

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Sayings

So this old man kept falling asleep on the subway and tipping over onto me during my commute a few days ago. 

I couldn't decide if it was a lucky or unlucky thing. You know, you find a penny, pick it up, and all day long you have good luck? 

There's no rhyme for random old guy sleeping on you in the subway. Anyway, I think someone should make a rhyme about it. Or maybe it's just a sign that everyone on the train was tired. And maybe also a sign that that guy was going to miss his subway stop. 

I've told a few people about it since then. One of my friends from church said maybe it goes, "Old guy falls asleep on you, your day will not be like poo." First: classy. And second: I dunno.

Somebody'sMother said that maybe it should be a song, to the tune of "This Old Man." 

"This old man, drifted off

There's a chance he'll miss his stop."

But then I don't know what the rest of the song would be.

Thoughts on some poetry or songs there, readers? And do you think it's bad luck or good luck to have an old man fall asleep on you on your commute?

Movie Madness

Halloween is a time of great movies on TV. Christmas is, too. And by great, generally, I mean awful. There’s something about holidays that brings out weird, theme movies.

Christmas does have some great, predictable holiday romantic comedies that I love, but for some reason, there are a lot of movies that sound pretty freaky that are holiday-themed "masterpieces."

Case in point: airing around Halloween was “Sleepwalkers.” The description: Mother-and-son monsters who survive on the blood of young women move to a sleepy town in Indiana.

How did that not win an Oscar??

Some Christmas movies, with their descriptions, that I've been seeing looking for nice Christmas movies on Netflix. Uh, these aren't what I'm looking for. (Note: I am not making up or altering any of these. Seriously.)

• Santa Claws: Under normal conditions, a man in a jolly red suit can be delightful. But when the outfit belongs to a demented psycho who's convinced he's Santa Claus, it's absolutely frightful. Raven Quinn, a sexy B-movie scream queen whose marriage is crumbling, is already dreading the Christmas season. When her creepy next-door neighbor starts dishing out his own brand of holiday cheer, things only go south from there.
• Xmas Massacre/Satan Claus/Psycho Santa: Deck the halls with this seasonal trio of gleefully gory Christmas-themed horror flicks. In The Christmas Season Massacre, a bloodthirsty maniac hunts down the high school classmates who antagonized him. In Satan Claus, a couple teams up with a voodoo priestess to try to stop a murderous Santa impersonator who's terrorizing New York City. And in Psycho Santa, a man tells his wife a series of terrifying tales about a not-so-jolly St. Nick.
• Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: The Martians are irked that their children spend so much time watching TV shows from Earth that sing the praises of Santa Claus, so they decide to make a trek to the planet to capture Mr. Claus. During their mission, they also abduct two children who lead the aliens to the North Pole and Santa. The Martians take all three earthlings back to Mars, where, with the help of a native, they manage to spread Christmas cheer throughout the red planet.
• Black Christmas: A bloodthirsty psychopath breaks free from a mental institution and returns to the house where he killed his family on Christmas Eve many years earlier, which happens to now be a sorority house.
• Christmas Evil: The winter weather isn't the only thing that's frightful about this unconventional holiday offering about a toy maker whose obsession with Christmas spirals dangerously out of control. After enduring a traumatic childhood in which he learned there was no such thing as Santa Claus, Harry Stadling takes it upon himself to judge the "naughty" and the "nice." But instead of spreading cheer, he opts for fear.

A quick google search turned up a few other funny ones--here are just the titles:

• Christmas Evil (aka: You'd Better Watch Out)
• Black Christmas
• Santa's Slay (ed: cover art on that one is HILARIOUS)
• Silent Night, Deadly Night
• Jack Frost (catch line: He's Chillin' and Killin')
• Silent Night, Bloody Night

I have no words. Just...no words.

Ah, Youth

I recently met a colleague's daughter. The daughter is about five, and she had heard her mother talk about our group of coworkers for about a year. When I met her today, my colleague told her daughter, Sophie, what my name was.

Sophie was shocked--she did not expect me to be SO YOUNG! Apparently, she expected me to be old like one of our supervising professors, who, for the record, is MAYBE ten years older than I am.

But you know what, I'm feeling pretty good about how young I must look.

Of course, Sophie once thought her own father, in his 30s, was 100 years old, so maybe she's not the best judge of it all.

Still. I'm shockingly young today.

Oh, Netflix

As we've discussed before, I love Netflix. I love everything about it.

I especially love all of the categories that it creates, through some special algorithm, I assume, of things it thinks I'd like to watch. 

Some of my recent favorites that it has created for me:

• Heartfelt Independent Dysfunctional-Family Movies
• Biographical Tortured-Genius Dramas
• Critically Acclaimed Independent Buddy Movies
• Dark Sci-Fi & Fantasy Featuring a Strong Female Lead
• Cerebral Crime Social & Cultural Documentaries

Really makes me wonder what I've been watching...

Duty Calls

I got a jury summons in the mail on the 10th. I happened to be on the phone with Somebody's Mother when I was getting the mail.

Here's a recap of some of our conversation:

Me: Oh no, JURY DUTY! I got a jury summons! Ugh, jury duty!!!
Somebody'sMother: They won't want you anyway.
Me: I know, but I'm going to have to go down there...
Somebody'sMother: It's important to understand how the system works.
Me: I understand how the system works.
Somebody'sMother: At least it will be a bit of variety in your life.
Me: No, it will be EXACTLY like the rest of my life--I spend all day in a courthouse! This will just be a different building.

So yes, jury duty calls.

If you were the lawyers, would you pick me to be on your jury?

We'll see what happens!

My Own Issues

Sometimes, I think a name of a restaurant is particularly proper, funny, weird, or unappetizing.

There's a casual restaurant chain here called "Hot and Crusty."

Gross. 

Recently, the employees of one of the Hot and Crusty restaurant locations wanted to unionize. When they did, the employer shut down the restaurant.

The employees took to the street; they started serving bagels and coffee outside the shuttered restaurant on the sidewalk. That's bagel commitment.

But their union? It's called the Hot and Crusty Workers Association.

Is it just me? I think they could've come up with something better. Anything, really.

Little Yellow Army

I was blessed to go with members of my church to help in the recovery work in the Rockaways, a section of Queens that was really decimated by Superstorm Sandy.

Here's a little video that was made the day I was there: (warning: beautiful, but you may cry)



I'm so grateful for a church that's so well-organized that we could mobilize quickly to give good Christian service to our neighbors in this beautiful city. The devastation here is tremendous; I've been blessed to be pretty unscathed through it all, but some people have literally lost everything.

It was very cool to be out there with the NYPD, FEMA, the Red Cross, the Department of Sanitation, the utility crews, and everyone else who has been working basically 24/7 since the storm. Each time one of their trucks would pass us, or we them, as we worked our way to where our help was needed, I'd raise my hands and cheer for whoever they were, and they would honk and cheer back. It was such a wonderful sense of community and belonging. I'll never forget it.

They were so kind and wonderful to us when we were there helping. Everywhere we went, people were happy to see us (they recognized our yellow vests), and one woman even exclaimed from her porch, "You're angels!"

I didn't feel like an angel. I was covered in mud, and I didn't know how much I had really helped. I came home and took a hot shower, something they cannot do there as they still have no hot water or power. They're cold and exhausted but resilient. I felt like I gained so much more from my time there than they did from my help.

I'll always remember this as the year where I spent the Thanksgiving season learning just how much I have to be grateful for.

Wardrobe Suggestion

New York has lots of grates on the sidewalks. These grates can run for long portions of the sidewalk at places where the subway runs.

When the subway goes past some of them, you get a huge blast of air racing up at you, if you're walking on one of those.

I recommend walking on the solid part of the sidewalk instead of along the grates, as occasionally, one of those grates breaks. Awkward.

But if you're going to walk on the grate, don't wear a short, flippy skirt that might blow up.

But if you do wear a short, flippy skirt that might blow up, please, please wear underwear.

Oy.

You don't ever plan to see a full moon on your way to work, but the other day on my walk to work, I saw someone's full moon several times.

Awkward. But only for me, as she seemed to not notice...

Trainpocalypse

Where I live is very close to the subway line. It's very, very easy for me to hop on the subway and get wherever I need to be. Occasionally, one train will be delayed because of a track condition or police investigation, but I can always take another one.

About twice a year, there's some sort of perfect storm where all of the trains I can take from my neighborhood are completely not running. I like to refer to this as the trainpocalypse, because I am overly dramatic like that.

The problem with trainpocalypse is that it's a ripple effect--since no one in my area can get anywhere on the train, buses are completely full. Huge, huge lines and crowds are at every bus stop, and some buses just drive on past because they cannot squeeze on another person. Catching a cab is also impossible.

During my 1L year, I had to be to school early for an event and that day ended up being a trainpocalypse. I walked about two miles before I found a cab. (Plus side of trainpocalypse, if you don't have to be anywhere in a hurry: you get your exercise in!)

Trainpocalypse happened a few weeks ago day. Fortunately, it wasn't some grisly accident or anything, so I felt totally justified in hating everyone and everything as I tried to get where I was going. After a long walk, a bus, and two trains, I got to work. Not my favorite commute.

On my way home that night, the I could see the indicator that the train was pulling into the station before I was quite there--I was so angry I was going to miss my train! But as I got inside, the train pulled in just as I got there.

I hopped on and thought, "That's right, [delayed line] train! You owed me!!" And then I laughed out loud.

And no one on the train even looked at me, because that's just how we roll here.

**Note: I wrote this post before the hurricane. It's remarkable how much not having the subway for a few days can remind you not to be angry or frustrated by a simple subway delay!

VOTE!!

Election day is next week. I am not allowed to voice any opinions on partisan or non-partisan issues, but I do retain my right to vote, and I certainly will be exercising it. How privileged we are! What a great opportunity!

Be sure to take this weekend to look at a sample ballot and research your candidates. While some elections (such as Presidential) are very prominent this year, you probably have myriad other races in which you need to vote. Check out your city council races, your judicial races (for elected judges), your mayor, your state senate, state congress or assembly, your school council, your county auditor, everything! Those smaller races probably have a much bigger impact on your life than the bigger ones, so don't neglect them.

Be sure to get educated, put it on your calendar, and then get out there and let your voice be heard! No whining about your elected officials if you don't vote. So go ahead and vote, and then we can all whine together.

We Had a Hurricane

Well, we had a hurricane. At least, it started as a hurricane. Later it merged with another storm, and now its official name is "Superstorm Sandy."

I think it sounds like some sort of Pixar character, but, it is what it is.

I haven't had internet access for about a week now (construction related, not storm related) so I haven't had a chance to post. I have some pictures and other thoughts to post, but for now, I just wanted to say how grateful and blessed I am.

There was flooding a few blocks away from my apartment.

But my apartment didn't flood.

Many, many people lost power for many days, and some still don't have power.

But I didn't.

Many people lost heat.

But mine was only lost for a day.

People lost their homes.

But I'm safe and dry.

People lost their loved ones and their lives.

But all of my friends and family are accounted for.

My apartment is in the perfect location for a hurricane. I had no idea that was true--I didn't even think about hurricanes when I moved here.

I am warm, safe, and comfortable.

Today, I had to go to Brooklyn in the early morning for a law school thing. Miraculously, I caught a cab right away--there's a massive gasoline shortage, so cabs are stretched a bit thin. When it was time to come home, the subway service between Brooklyn and Manhattan had finally been restored, and I was able to take a wonderful trip back to my apartment. The whirring electric sound of the subway was so comforting.

I love this beautiful city and am so grateful to be so blessed here.

Clearly Concerned

A few weeks ago, I had a dream that it was late December, and I realized I had not yet listened to any Christmas music. I was totally crushed that I had basically missed the whole Christmas season.

A few nights later, I had another dream that it was late December, and I realized I had not yet listened to any Christmas music. In this dream, I remembered the first dream, and I was so frustrated with myself that the first dream hadn't caused me to listen to Christmas music to enjoy the season.

Clearly, I'm very concerned about missing the Christmas season on a subconscious level. So if you see me listening to Christmas music even though it's not yet Thanksgiving, or if you come over and I have Christmas decorations out, cut me a break--I'm apparently very worried.

Email Etiquette

Seriously--use BCC more. Think about it--if you're sending out information, some people may not want the whole world to know that they're on that information list. BCC. It's the wave of the future.

Also, reply all? Don't reply all unless it pertains to all, or is hilarious and will make me giggle.

Thanks, everyone! Together, we can make the world of email a happier place.

For me.

And really, isn't it all about me?

Pot and Kettle

The other day, I was shopping for tights. I wear black tights almost every day with my suits these days because it can be a bit chilly on my morning walk to work.

I had decided to try to step up my game on the weekends (generally, if I'm not in a suit, I'm in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt), so I went to buy some tights to wear with casual skirts on the weekend. I decided I needed some cream tights to wear with some brown boots.

I got to the store, looked around, saw lots of things, and finally found the tights. There were orange, purple, hot pink, silver, black, and a bunch of other colors. I didn't see any cream, so I asked an employee if they had cream tights. She laughed and said no.

Uh, yeah, it's weird that I want cream tights instead of hot pink???