Movie Madness

Halloween is a time of great movies on TV. Christmas is, too. And by great, generally, I mean awful. There’s something about holidays that brings out weird, theme movies.

Christmas does have some great, predictable holiday romantic comedies that I love, but for some reason, there are a lot of movies that sound pretty freaky that are holiday-themed "masterpieces."

Case in point: airing around Halloween was “Sleepwalkers.” The description: Mother-and-son monsters who survive on the blood of young women move to a sleepy town in Indiana.

How did that not win an Oscar??

Some Christmas movies, with their descriptions, that I've been seeing looking for nice Christmas movies on Netflix. Uh, these aren't what I'm looking for. (Note: I am not making up or altering any of these. Seriously.)

• Santa Claws: Under normal conditions, a man in a jolly red suit can be delightful. But when the outfit belongs to a demented psycho who's convinced he's Santa Claus, it's absolutely frightful. Raven Quinn, a sexy B-movie scream queen whose marriage is crumbling, is already dreading the Christmas season. When her creepy next-door neighbor starts dishing out his own brand of holiday cheer, things only go south from there.
• Xmas Massacre/Satan Claus/Psycho Santa: Deck the halls with this seasonal trio of gleefully gory Christmas-themed horror flicks. In The Christmas Season Massacre, a bloodthirsty maniac hunts down the high school classmates who antagonized him. In Satan Claus, a couple teams up with a voodoo priestess to try to stop a murderous Santa impersonator who's terrorizing New York City. And in Psycho Santa, a man tells his wife a series of terrifying tales about a not-so-jolly St. Nick.
• Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: The Martians are irked that their children spend so much time watching TV shows from Earth that sing the praises of Santa Claus, so they decide to make a trek to the planet to capture Mr. Claus. During their mission, they also abduct two children who lead the aliens to the North Pole and Santa. The Martians take all three earthlings back to Mars, where, with the help of a native, they manage to spread Christmas cheer throughout the red planet.
• Black Christmas: A bloodthirsty psychopath breaks free from a mental institution and returns to the house where he killed his family on Christmas Eve many years earlier, which happens to now be a sorority house.
• Christmas Evil: The winter weather isn't the only thing that's frightful about this unconventional holiday offering about a toy maker whose obsession with Christmas spirals dangerously out of control. After enduring a traumatic childhood in which he learned there was no such thing as Santa Claus, Harry Stadling takes it upon himself to judge the "naughty" and the "nice." But instead of spreading cheer, he opts for fear.

A quick google search turned up a few other funny ones--here are just the titles:

• Christmas Evil (aka: You'd Better Watch Out)
• Black Christmas
• Santa's Slay (ed: cover art on that one is HILARIOUS)
• Silent Night, Deadly Night
• Jack Frost (catch line: He's Chillin' and Killin')
• Silent Night, Bloody Night

I have no words. Just...no words.

Ah, Youth

I recently met a colleague's daughter. The daughter is about five, and she had heard her mother talk about our group of coworkers for about a year. When I met her today, my colleague told her daughter, Sophie, what my name was.

Sophie was shocked--she did not expect me to be SO YOUNG! Apparently, she expected me to be old like one of our supervising professors, who, for the record, is MAYBE ten years older than I am.

But you know what, I'm feeling pretty good about how young I must look.

Of course, Sophie once thought her own father, in his 30s, was 100 years old, so maybe she's not the best judge of it all.

Still. I'm shockingly young today.

Oh, Netflix

As we've discussed before, I love Netflix. I love everything about it.

I especially love all of the categories that it creates, through some special algorithm, I assume, of things it thinks I'd like to watch. 

Some of my recent favorites that it has created for me:

• Heartfelt Independent Dysfunctional-Family Movies
• Biographical Tortured-Genius Dramas
• Critically Acclaimed Independent Buddy Movies
• Dark Sci-Fi & Fantasy Featuring a Strong Female Lead
• Cerebral Crime Social & Cultural Documentaries

Really makes me wonder what I've been watching...

Duty Calls

I got a jury summons in the mail on the 10th. I happened to be on the phone with Somebody's Mother when I was getting the mail.

Here's a recap of some of our conversation:

Me: Oh no, JURY DUTY! I got a jury summons! Ugh, jury duty!!!
Somebody'sMother: They won't want you anyway.
Me: I know, but I'm going to have to go down there...
Somebody'sMother: It's important to understand how the system works.
Me: I understand how the system works.
Somebody'sMother: At least it will be a bit of variety in your life.
Me: No, it will be EXACTLY like the rest of my life--I spend all day in a courthouse! This will just be a different building.

So yes, jury duty calls.

If you were the lawyers, would you pick me to be on your jury?

We'll see what happens!

My Own Issues

Sometimes, I think a name of a restaurant is particularly proper, funny, weird, or unappetizing.

There's a casual restaurant chain here called "Hot and Crusty."

Gross. 

Recently, the employees of one of the Hot and Crusty restaurant locations wanted to unionize. When they did, the employer shut down the restaurant.

The employees took to the street; they started serving bagels and coffee outside the shuttered restaurant on the sidewalk. That's bagel commitment.

But their union? It's called the Hot and Crusty Workers Association.

Is it just me? I think they could've come up with something better. Anything, really.

Little Yellow Army

I was blessed to go with members of my church to help in the recovery work in the Rockaways, a section of Queens that was really decimated by Superstorm Sandy.

Here's a little video that was made the day I was there: (warning: beautiful, but you may cry)



I'm so grateful for a church that's so well-organized that we could mobilize quickly to give good Christian service to our neighbors in this beautiful city. The devastation here is tremendous; I've been blessed to be pretty unscathed through it all, but some people have literally lost everything.

It was very cool to be out there with the NYPD, FEMA, the Red Cross, the Department of Sanitation, the utility crews, and everyone else who has been working basically 24/7 since the storm. Each time one of their trucks would pass us, or we them, as we worked our way to where our help was needed, I'd raise my hands and cheer for whoever they were, and they would honk and cheer back. It was such a wonderful sense of community and belonging. I'll never forget it.

They were so kind and wonderful to us when we were there helping. Everywhere we went, people were happy to see us (they recognized our yellow vests), and one woman even exclaimed from her porch, "You're angels!"

I didn't feel like an angel. I was covered in mud, and I didn't know how much I had really helped. I came home and took a hot shower, something they cannot do there as they still have no hot water or power. They're cold and exhausted but resilient. I felt like I gained so much more from my time there than they did from my help.

I'll always remember this as the year where I spent the Thanksgiving season learning just how much I have to be grateful for.

Wardrobe Suggestion

New York has lots of grates on the sidewalks. These grates can run for long portions of the sidewalk at places where the subway runs.

When the subway goes past some of them, you get a huge blast of air racing up at you, if you're walking on one of those.

I recommend walking on the solid part of the sidewalk instead of along the grates, as occasionally, one of those grates breaks. Awkward.

But if you're going to walk on the grate, don't wear a short, flippy skirt that might blow up.

But if you do wear a short, flippy skirt that might blow up, please, please wear underwear.

Oy.

You don't ever plan to see a full moon on your way to work, but the other day on my walk to work, I saw someone's full moon several times.

Awkward. But only for me, as she seemed to not notice...

Trainpocalypse

Where I live is very close to the subway line. It's very, very easy for me to hop on the subway and get wherever I need to be. Occasionally, one train will be delayed because of a track condition or police investigation, but I can always take another one.

About twice a year, there's some sort of perfect storm where all of the trains I can take from my neighborhood are completely not running. I like to refer to this as the trainpocalypse, because I am overly dramatic like that.

The problem with trainpocalypse is that it's a ripple effect--since no one in my area can get anywhere on the train, buses are completely full. Huge, huge lines and crowds are at every bus stop, and some buses just drive on past because they cannot squeeze on another person. Catching a cab is also impossible.

During my 1L year, I had to be to school early for an event and that day ended up being a trainpocalypse. I walked about two miles before I found a cab. (Plus side of trainpocalypse, if you don't have to be anywhere in a hurry: you get your exercise in!)

Trainpocalypse happened a few weeks ago day. Fortunately, it wasn't some grisly accident or anything, so I felt totally justified in hating everyone and everything as I tried to get where I was going. After a long walk, a bus, and two trains, I got to work. Not my favorite commute.

On my way home that night, the I could see the indicator that the train was pulling into the station before I was quite there--I was so angry I was going to miss my train! But as I got inside, the train pulled in just as I got there.

I hopped on and thought, "That's right, [delayed line] train! You owed me!!" And then I laughed out loud.

And no one on the train even looked at me, because that's just how we roll here.

**Note: I wrote this post before the hurricane. It's remarkable how much not having the subway for a few days can remind you not to be angry or frustrated by a simple subway delay!

VOTE!!

Election day is next week. I am not allowed to voice any opinions on partisan or non-partisan issues, but I do retain my right to vote, and I certainly will be exercising it. How privileged we are! What a great opportunity!

Be sure to take this weekend to look at a sample ballot and research your candidates. While some elections (such as Presidential) are very prominent this year, you probably have myriad other races in which you need to vote. Check out your city council races, your judicial races (for elected judges), your mayor, your state senate, state congress or assembly, your school council, your county auditor, everything! Those smaller races probably have a much bigger impact on your life than the bigger ones, so don't neglect them.

Be sure to get educated, put it on your calendar, and then get out there and let your voice be heard! No whining about your elected officials if you don't vote. So go ahead and vote, and then we can all whine together.

We Had a Hurricane

Well, we had a hurricane. At least, it started as a hurricane. Later it merged with another storm, and now its official name is "Superstorm Sandy."

I think it sounds like some sort of Pixar character, but, it is what it is.

I haven't had internet access for about a week now (construction related, not storm related) so I haven't had a chance to post. I have some pictures and other thoughts to post, but for now, I just wanted to say how grateful and blessed I am.

There was flooding a few blocks away from my apartment.

But my apartment didn't flood.

Many, many people lost power for many days, and some still don't have power.

But I didn't.

Many people lost heat.

But mine was only lost for a day.

People lost their homes.

But I'm safe and dry.

People lost their loved ones and their lives.

But all of my friends and family are accounted for.

My apartment is in the perfect location for a hurricane. I had no idea that was true--I didn't even think about hurricanes when I moved here.

I am warm, safe, and comfortable.

Today, I had to go to Brooklyn in the early morning for a law school thing. Miraculously, I caught a cab right away--there's a massive gasoline shortage, so cabs are stretched a bit thin. When it was time to come home, the subway service between Brooklyn and Manhattan had finally been restored, and I was able to take a wonderful trip back to my apartment. The whirring electric sound of the subway was so comforting.

I love this beautiful city and am so grateful to be so blessed here.

Clearly Concerned

A few weeks ago, I had a dream that it was late December, and I realized I had not yet listened to any Christmas music. I was totally crushed that I had basically missed the whole Christmas season.

A few nights later, I had another dream that it was late December, and I realized I had not yet listened to any Christmas music. In this dream, I remembered the first dream, and I was so frustrated with myself that the first dream hadn't caused me to listen to Christmas music to enjoy the season.

Clearly, I'm very concerned about missing the Christmas season on a subconscious level. So if you see me listening to Christmas music even though it's not yet Thanksgiving, or if you come over and I have Christmas decorations out, cut me a break--I'm apparently very worried.

Email Etiquette

Seriously--use BCC more. Think about it--if you're sending out information, some people may not want the whole world to know that they're on that information list. BCC. It's the wave of the future.

Also, reply all? Don't reply all unless it pertains to all, or is hilarious and will make me giggle.

Thanks, everyone! Together, we can make the world of email a happier place.

For me.

And really, isn't it all about me?

Pot and Kettle

The other day, I was shopping for tights. I wear black tights almost every day with my suits these days because it can be a bit chilly on my morning walk to work.

I had decided to try to step up my game on the weekends (generally, if I'm not in a suit, I'm in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt), so I went to buy some tights to wear with casual skirts on the weekend. I decided I needed some cream tights to wear with some brown boots.

I got to the store, looked around, saw lots of things, and finally found the tights. There were orange, purple, hot pink, silver, black, and a bunch of other colors. I didn't see any cream, so I asked an employee if they had cream tights. She laughed and said no.

Uh, yeah, it's weird that I want cream tights instead of hot pink???

Alias

Sometimes, working for a judge feels like I'm part of the CIA--I can't talk about it. At all. So thanks for the curiosity, but I really, really can't talk about it. I can't talk about the work we do, I can't talk about the cases we have, and I can't talk about how things run in chambers. So it's a lot like the show Alias, where she works for the CIA, except I don't have an Alias. I just have a job where I can't talk about it.

Sorry.

But one hilarious thing that I CAN talk about is the court officers. In every federal court building, and all of the state courts I know of, you have to go through security to get into the building. The security guards are called court officers, and they do other things besides security screenings, but that's my primary interaction with them.

The court officers at the courthouse where I work are so, so funny. They are always cracking little jokes when I see them in the morning. One day, one of them was scanning my bag, and he says, "Hey! What's with all the guns??" And they all laughed, and I laughed and made some comment about how you can never be too prepared, and off we went.

What a weird job they have. I'm sure glad they're there to brighten the beginning and ending of my days.

What We Have Here is a Failure to Mature

The other day at the store, they were selling a plant called "Bishop's Balls."

When you grow up with four brothers, it doesn't matter how old you get--that's always going to make you laugh.

Feeling Neglected??

LL so kindly noted that it has been a while since I posted anything.

Sorry.

I don't have any good naked New Yorker stories (sorry, LL).

So, it's been a while. How's it going, everyone?

Random story to tide you over until I think of something to post:

Recently, they tore up the concrete of my sidewalk in front of my apartment. One day, they were putting new concrete down at the moment I needed to leave my apartment. Awkward.

So they stretched out a long board, maybe six inches wide, across the wet cement so I could walk out to the solid ground.

I was in a suit.

It was like walking the plank--I kept thinking I was going to fall into the wet cement. Then I would've been late to work.

But strangely, it seemed fitting that if it did happen, maybe there would be a me-shaped divot to mark my time in New York.

I made it.

But maybe in the future, I'll head out in jeans and sneakers with some climbing gear or something--you never can tell.

It's HERE!!!

I was walking through a park, headed to the subway, on Tuesday of this week (September 11, 2012, for the record) and I smelled a smell.

A smell I couldn't place.

A weird, strange, wonderful smell.

After a moment, I realized what the smell was, and I exclaimed (aloud, in a classy fashion)

"IT'S FALL!!!!"

It's official--fall is here, as of Tuesday.

Ah, the smell of fall. No days above 80 degrees in the 10 day forecast. It's going to be 72 on Saturday.

I love the fall.

Kindness Begins with Me

I like to help out the tourists in New York, when I have time. It's pretty easy to pause for a moment when you see a lost person, ask them if they need directions, and then point them to the right subway line or the right street so they can head on their way. Sometimes, if I really have a lot of time, I'll stop when I see one tourist taking pictures of their companion and ask if they'd like me to take a picture of them together.

So the other night, I was walking home from picking up some Panera (mmmm...Panera...), and I saw a couple of women standing by the subway entrance. One was getting into position to pose for a picture by the sign for which station it was, while the other was prepping to take her picture. I thought, "When I get up there, I'll ask if they'd like a picture together." And I smiled as I thought of how adorable they were, so excited by the subway.

Then as I got closer, I saw that the woman posing for the picture was completely topless.

I did not offer to take a picture for them. I walked on by.

On Construction

In this city, something or other is always under construction. These days, there's significant construction in my building (street-level construction), as well as in the underground of a nearby street. (Listen for the blasts--that means things are about to blow up!)

This weekend, things are pretty quiet because of the holiday. Lots of folks are out of the city having one last summertime hurrah, and no one really wants to work.

That's okay. Judging from how the construction looked when I recently left and then returned a month later, it won't matter if they're taking a few days off. Nothing looks like they're making progress anyway...

Pyramid - Round 7

This is a special post that will be easier to guess if you are a regular reader of the blog. (Ooooooo, intriguing...incentive to stay up on the blog, no?)

As always, I'll delay posting the comments for a few days (or a lot of days, if I forget like I did last time) while everyone has a chance to guess.

Ready?

Let's play Pyramid!


Airplanes
Mice, apparently
Lightning bugs