The Sophomore Strikes Back

Today, when the sophomore walked into class, she saluted the General.

It was one of the most awkward moments I've seen first hand.

That, my friends, is thousands of dollars of education totally paying off.

Holidays

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love Easter candy. The one thing I really can't get on board with, year after year, is the Reester bunny. It's a Reese's candy shaped like a bunny. I could probably get on board with that, but the name is just not appetizing at all.

The one thing I am looking forward to this year is a honey-baked ham. They are my favorite. Many weeks ago, while I was out walking with somebody's mother, I was expressing my discouragement about life in general and school in particular. She skillfully distracted me with talk about my upcoming graduation party, which we have been planning for at least a year. It's not that we're big party planners or that it's a big party situation, but rather that it's nice to dream about being graduated.

As we discussed the particulars of the party, she asked what we should eat. I told her I wanted hamburgers. And corn. And french fries. And rootbeer. And honey-baked ham.

She said that the honey-baked ham would probably be better as a separate meal from the others. It's for rational thinking like this that I appreciate having a mother, since that would've been a pretty freaky meal.

So today, somebody's mother is going to pick up a mini-honey-baked ham for dinner on Sunday. She checked to see what else I wanted with it. I wanted sweet potatoes. She then called to make sure that there wasn't anything else I needed to have for the meal. I told her I wanted to eat a bunch of strawberries, too.

Done and done. Do you have a mother like that? (Well, if you're one of my siblings, then you do, but...)

Gotta love it.

An Open Letter

Dear Women of the World:

You should not wear short skirts. You just shouldn't. I don't care how much you work to have lovely legs or how much you think it makes men want you (for the record, it may make them want you, but I suspect it's not in the way you would want to be wanted).

Additionally, if you are over the age of 40, you should definitely not wear a mini skirt. If you are over the age of 50 and in one of my classes, please, please, for the sake of the rest of us, don't wear a mini skirt.

Simple rule for everyone: put on more clothing. It's easy to figure out how much more you need. The less fabric you have on you today, the more you should go home and add some to your outfit. Please. Right now. We'll wait.

Thanks in advance,

Liz

Wicked

Last night, I went to Wicked. Unlike most of the people I know, I've never seen it. Every time I mentioned that I was going to be going to Wicked, people told me about when they saw it in New York.

Do you know what I saw in New York? NOTHING. I've never been to New York. Stop bragging, people.

Regardless of all of that, the show was fabulous. Great production values, wonderful cast, excellent execution. On top of that, I had great dinner, and fabulous company.

Let's see New York beat that!

(Note: if New York did beat that, don't bother telling me about it. I'm pretty sure my night was better, anyway.)

Joys of Apartment Hunting

Things I've discovered while hunting for a new apartment:

• If you ever find the perfect apartment, it will be available at the wrong time. I'm guessing it's some sort of karma for something I've done in the past, but I'm not sure what. I need to bake cookies for someone to get my good karma back.
• I am ancient. I saw an apartment listing that was in an "older ward. Average age 22+." How is that an older ward? Older than people in high school???
• Once you've viewed apartment listings each day for about a week, you will have seen them all. In fact, you'll have seen some of them seven times. Or more.
• I've been looking for two bedroom apartments. Funny thing about the two bedroom apartments is that when I see one that has two bathrooms, I think, oh, I don't need two bathrooms--there's just one of me! Yet somehow, I do need two bedrooms. Go figure.

I do a lot of my apartment hunting on craigslist. I'm a big posting flagger. If you miscategorize, post something that is prohibited, or spam the board with your ads, I will get you. It keeps me entertained while I'm sifting through posts.

I may not be able to find a place to live - look for me in a cardboard box coming to a street near you any day now - but at least I'm helping the craigslist world one click at a time.

Mystery

Why is it so hard to write a paper about motivation?

Specifically, this paper is a literature review incorporating what my personal motivators are...

Why is it so hard to feel like doing it?

The General and the Sophomore

This is the night when I have the General's class. I refer to him as the General because he is a retired Air Force Major General. We're in the middle of a case study about an air force leadership situation.

There is one particular sophomore in the class who, bless her heart, says the strangest things in class. The things she says would be strange in any course, but she and a retired Air Force Major General really have different styles. This leads for delightful exchanges between the two of them on a very regular basis, as she tends to talk many times each week.

A sample:

General: The test will be available through Sunday night.

Sophomore: I don't want to do it on Sunday.

General: Well, it's available starting Wednesday, so you'll have to get it done before Sunday then.

Sophomore: But Sunday is Jesus's day.

General: Okay, but it's available starting Wednesday, so...uh...it'll be okay.

****************************

Another day:

General: And this is my personal phone number, if you need to get a hold of me.

Sophomore: So can I text you?

General: (long pause) I'm 75 years old. That's something I haven't gotten into.

****************************

Yet another delightful exchange:

General: So, Dr. Cooper [a guest speaker] will be here in on the 30th, so be sure to get the reading done.

Sophomore: Oooo!! Can we throw him a party or something?

General: (long, dismayed pause) No. Let's just...no.

****************************

In her self-introduction to the class:

Sophomore: I want to marry a doctor, and then we're going to start something like Operation Smile, but not Operation Smile because that's dentist, so maybe Operation Feet, but not feet, maybe Operation Legs. Yeah, Operation Legs.

Rest of class: (long, perplexed silence)

****************************

Today, we were looking at a picture of a particular fighter jet. A sample of the conversation:

Sophomore: Is there a reason it's camo?

General: Yes, it's camouflage.

Sophomore: Yeah, but why?

General: (pause) So that people can't see it.

Sophomore: In the air?

General: No, the sky isn't camouflage.

Sophomore: So...

General: The bottom is white.

Sophomore: (puzzled look...It was almost like she was going to point out that the sky was blue, but she didn't.)

****************************

Although I'm not really going to miss this class, she sure has been good for a gem or two each week.

Logic

I am participating in my favorite annual event: the apartment hunt.

Slowly, I creep through the bushes, stalking the best apartments at the best prices in preparation to pounce. If I am not careful, the current tenants may get a restraining order against me.

But I digress.

I saw an apartment listed today as "cozy" and "spacious." For those of you who do not shop for apartments as frequently as I do, "cozy" means small apartment with tiny closets. 

Thus, a cozy apartment, by its very nature, cannot be spacious.

Especially suspicious? No picture.

I'm thinking it's a refrigerator box. It may have been a large refrigerator, but still.

The hunt continues...

Hmm...

Some days, I have an inability to speak. Today was one of those days.

For example:

Coworker: What do you want to do after you graduate?
Me: I want to sit on the bum and be a beach.

Not what I meant...just further evidence that my education is actually making me dumber.

Ten

Today, I've been thinking a lot about the number ten and all of its meanings. It's funny, because sometimes ten is good, and others...not so much.

For example:

Ten fingers? Good.

Ten eyes? Bad.

Ten pints of ice cream? Very good.

Ten stalks of celery? Giant waste.

Ten can be used in multipliers, also for good and bad:

Ten times more likely to win the lottery? Good.

Ten times more likely to get salmonella from your crackers? Bad.

Ten times more pints of ice cream? Awesome.

Ten times more obese? Not as awesome.

Ten is also good for looking at comparison percentages:

Top 10% in height? Good, if you want to play basketball.

Top 10% of the most evil shoplifters? Bad.

Top 10% in the senior class of a business school that has the highest accreditation possible in the US? Pretty cool.

Light

Yesterday, I registered for the final semester of my undergraduate career.

Today, I purchased the final textbook of my undergraduate career. The class won't actually start for another six weeks, but I order my books online, and it takes a while to get them. It wasn't a bad purchase though--under $100. (Just barely, but still under.)

On a totally random side note, there is not a book in the world that I would see at the bookstore and think, "OOOO! Only $100!! I'm going to buy that posthaste!" I certainly am not going to miss buying those suckers...

I would rather buy actual suckers - cheaper, and more enjoyable!

But back to the subject at hand: there is a light at the end of the tunnel. People have been telling me this for about a year now, but I believe that those people were looking down a different tunnel than the one through which I have been traveling.

Lately, I've referred to that light at the end of the tunnel as a flashlight. Today, it feels like...a bigger flashlight.

Coordination

I came THIS CLOSE to running into a backhoe today on campus.

I should not text while I walk.

Registration

It's almost time for registration for the summer semester. I got an email from the university that had the dates for summer and fall registration in it.

I put the summer registration date on my calendar, and then I looked at the fall registration date and said,

"Ha ha! Suckers!! I'm not going in the fall!"

Woohoo!!

In truth, one of my classes next semester is supposed to be a giant pain, but it only lasts until 24 June, and then it'll be pretty easy for the rest of the semester, I'd venture to guess.

Quick Facts Update

An update on classes, nine weeks into the semester:
________________________________________
As they'd say on Marketplace, let's do the numbers:

Times I went to the incorrect class: 0
Times I started to go to the incorrect class: 0
Times I have ditched class: 0
Times I have wanted to ditch class: Innumerable
Fellow students in more than one of my classes: Undetermined (Lecture series is HUGE...tough to say...I keep discovering more and more)
Classes with team projects: 2
Classes in which team projects have been clearly explained and are able to be begun: 1
Nightmares about a class which became partially true: 1
Days until graduation: 156
Weeks until I finish my last class of my undergraduate career: 22

Current predictions/awards:
Class in which I feel the dumbest: Right now, none. I'm pretty smart.
Class with the most irritating fellow students: Leadership Process
Class in which I will likely receive the best grade: Executive Lecture Series
Class in which I will likely receive the worst grade: Tough to say...perhaps Contract Law
Class which I dread attending the most: Leadership Process
Class which I dread attending the least: These days, I just dread driving to and sitting in school
Class in which the teacher is most likely to make me cry: No recent crying due to teachers
Class with the professor with the most soothing voice: Organizational Behavior
Class in which I am most likely to get a headache: Contract Law
Class with the worst smokers: Contract Law
Class in which I am the most bored: Leadership Process (those irritating students are also boring--neat combination)
Class in which I am the most hungry: Fundamentals of Mediation and Negotiation
Class most likely to give me nightmares: No recent nightmares, except for one non-school nightmare about getting married...
Class in the scariest part of campus: Fundamentals of Mediation and Negotiation
Class most likely to give me an ulcer: Contract Law
Class in which the teacher has unrealistic expectations of me: Organizational Behavior - I set the initial standards too high, and now I have to maintain or exceed them

Some new awards:
Class in which I feel the most awkward: Fundamentals of Mediation and Negotiation
Class in which I feel the need to nap: All of them
Most inconvenient class: Executive Lecture Series
Class with the hardest tests: Contract Law
Class with the easiest tests: (I'm going to not answer so as to not jinx myself)
Class with the worst homework: Fundamentals of Mediation and Negotiation
Class with the worst projects: Organizational Behavior
Class with the fuzziest instructions: Contract Law
Class with the best team name: Leadership Process - as assigned by the General, "Mongolian Hordes"

Congratulations to the winners. We'll check back on the stats in another few weeks to see how all of the classes are doing.

*Internship is ineligible for any awards related to a specific grade or fellow students, as they are inapplicable to the course.

Things

My sister LL thinks that I haven't been blogging enough. Here is a quick list of random things that I will post for general consideration by the universe. They may not make any sense, but that's what you get on short notice.

• Next week is spring break. This means that I will go to work but then get to go HOME at 6:00 pm and not be at school on Wednesday and Thursday. I could not be more excited.
• In one of my classes, the professor gave an example and in it, I was the leader of a gang, wielding a knife. He cracked himself up making jokes about it all night.
• One of my teachers is a Major General--I sing the song in my head ALL THE TIME.
• My neck is killing me again. I think it's from all the studying. Or the lack of studying.
• I took a test in my Org Behavior class last week and got the exact same grade on the multiple choice section as I did on the first test. I am nothing if not consistent.
• Someone asked me the other day what I'm going to do on my upcoming birthday. I told them that I was going to work for 9 hours and then go to school for 3 hours and then go to sleep. I am a total party animal.
• Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.
• Taco Mart!
• I need a nap so badly. Somebody's Mother and I were watching a Jane Austen movie last night and were up a tad bit late...oops.
• The lecturer for this week's lecture series is someone Marriott. I think I'll enjoy his lecture a lot more if he gives me a pass for a free hotel room or something. None of the lecturers bring prizes for us--they should. It'd be easier to pay attention that way.

And here, for LL's reading enjoyment, is an exchange that just happened between my boss, K, and my coworker, D.

_____________________

K: Are you going to watch the new Star Wars...Star Trek, whatever, movie that has the guy from Heroes who is going to play the leprechaun? (and later...) I know the name of the beamer guy--Steve...Steven...

D: Scotty?

K: Yeah, Scotty. I know their names-Spock is the leprechaun guy.

_____________________

Delightful! I am looking forward to that movie, leprechauns and all.

Disappointments

Last night, I purchased a pint of ice cream for a pity party I was throwing myself. (Long story--don't ask.)

Being virtuous, I only bought one carton, and I bought the low-fat version.

Huge mistake. Not tasty. If I had purchased the nice full-fat version, I'd have something fabulous to turn to tonight for pity party part two. (Again, long story--don't ask.)

I should've bought two cartons. The second carton I decided not to buy was Haagen-Daaz. I knew it would be good, but it was so bad for me...I put it back.

Huge mistake.

Somebody's Birthday

Today is somebody's mother's birthday.

As I was thinking about her birthday last night, I was caught up in all that she does and is, and I was overwhelmed by emotion. It's difficult to describe how wonderful she is. I suppose that most people think that they have the perfect or best mother, but I suspect that there's no cookie-cutter best. I have always felt like somebody's mother was just perfect for me.

Over the past six months or so, somebody's mother has been an invaluable support as I work through my most challenging semesters of school. I have never been so overwhelmed or discouraged by school, but my mother and father have both been there for me throughout it all.

During the past six weeks, our family has had significant challenges, and I am just awed by somebody's mother's ability to handle it all. In addition to all of the things she does, she manages to still be an amazing support and guide for me.

I am blessed with a wonderful relationship with my mother. I feel so lucky to have her. She really is just perfect for me--exactly the mother I need, and a fabulous friend.

So Happy Birthday to somebody's mother. I hope that the next year is easier and sweeter for all of us, but I don't doubt that if we have challenges, you'll certainly handle them with grace and patience...I'll continue to try to figure out how to be more like you in that way. :)

Wanna Play?

Lucky you!

The first FIVE people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2- What I create will be just for you.
3- It'll be done this year. (might be a little while)
4- You have no clue what it's going to be.It may be a story. It may be poetry, shoes, bags, or a little invention of my own! I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange. Believe me... it may blow your mind!

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!

Sounds like fun, right? So, let's play!

***

Full disclosure: I'm participating in this game because so many of the women in my family are. My super crafty sister-in-law who is probably the most creative person I have ever met started it, and I really want something from her. I was going to just let it pass by since I don't think I can come up with anything for people, but then my sister, and my mom, and my "sister" Shannon, and my cousin, etc. all got involved... What can I say? I caved. I like presents. :)

I make no guarantees about what you will get from me. I also reserve the right to not even work on it until August. (See Graduation Counter if you have any questions...)

Validation

Today in class, someone asked me when I'd be graduating.  When I told them that it would be in August, their eyes got big and they said "Oh! That's so SOON! You must be so excited!"

It was delightful. August doesn't feel soon, but time is really relative, and to lots of the people in my classes, August sounds really soon.

I've decided that I'm going to start telling everyone I meet that I'm graduating in August so that they can be excited for me. Their excitement helps August feel a little bit closer.

I may just get a shirt that says "I'm graduating in August!" in big letters on it.

Not Quite

In my Fundamentals of Mediation and Negotiation class, we spend lots of time doing practice mediations with each other. The disputants have prewritten stories that they read and then interpret, and the third party practices being the mediator.

The practice mediation we were doing on Tuesday was about some cowboys and an issue with a horse not being in a designated pasture.

One of the girls practicing in my group was explaining how she (as the cowboy) was unable to find other horses to keep so that she could pay her bills after the other cowboy removed her horse from the premises (just go with it).

The cowboy/girl then explained:

"There were no other horses that needed to be pasteurized."

Definitely not what she meant. It was all I could do to hold it together and not laugh and disrupt the whole process. Clearly, that was difficult for me, as I am ME, and I have a hard time not laughing. But I kept a straight face. 

Then I ran to tell my parents how funny it was.

On a somewhat related note, although the practice mediation sounds crazy, it was actually one that had happened to our instructor in his practice as a mediator. Who would've thought?

One of the elements of the mediation process is that there is confidentiality, and that the mediator could never be called as a witness if the disputants were unable to resolve the issue in mediation and ended up in court.

So, after our instructor told us that he had actually mediated with these two foul-mouthed cowboys, one of the students asked what the resolution had been. The instructor's answer?

"No idea. I can't remember...that's really why they can't call me as a witness!"

It was funny at the time, but typing it all out, I'm starting to wonder if my humor standard has been lowered by being with less-than-funny people in less-than-funny situations for 13 hours a day and not getting enough sleep.

Apparently, I'm sleep deprived, but not quite to the point of having delirious giggles.

I'll let you know when I get there.