Canaries

I've heard that in the old mining days, they used to take a bird with them (I think a canary) down into the mine. Then, if the bird died, they'd know that the air was bad and they needed to turn around or get out or something. I'm not a miner, but I'm pretty sure that's the basic idea.

So, since the fly situation started, there have been some dead flies, largely because I believe they're too stupid to do much. They are a very strange fly, and they just fly around really slowly and then die, I guess. Anyway, yesterday when I got home from work, ALL the flies were dead. Little fly bodies everywhere. No living flies.

Uhh....

Home of the Flies

There are flies in my apartment. A lot of flies. When I first saw them, it was like 11 of them on the front blinds. I don't ever leave the door open, and all of the windows have screens. Did someone leave the door open when they were showing the unit to people?

Whatever it is, it's gross and annoying. They are everywhere. I wish they weren't.

Veggies

Why are vegetables so expensive? I was at the store today buying some veggies, and they were so expensive!! I feel bad for people who truly can't afford to buy those things. It's much cheaper to eat boxed convenience food, but that food is so bad for you.

How will anyone ever eat healthier? It's so much quicker, cheaper, and easier to eat bad food...

Matt is My Hero...And Danny Thinks Moliere Was Italian

It's the week of upfronts, which is when all of the big networks announce their fall schedules. (Clearly, it's problematic that my schedule includes monitoring of this, but nonetheless, it is upfront week.)

So, today was NBC's day, and they revealed their new schedule...however, they didn't pick up one of my favorite shows for another year: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is officially canceled. They'll burn off the episodes that they have already done and then it'll be over.

Studio 60 was funny and smart, and I think that's why it got canceled. People didn't really know what to make of it: comedy, drama, who knows what. But I'm not sure that something has to be super definable to be good. It was witty, sharp, and just thoroughly enjoyable.

Why is there no network willing to put on smart shows? Why must we all watch shows like Deal or No Deal? Not only is it not a smart show, but I'm pretty sure that it is actually making people dumber.

From now on, I'm not watching anything on TV until it has been going a few years. Then I'll rent the DVDs. That way, I get to skip the commercials and the heartache. (Yes, I have TV heartache. See my recent post if there is any doubt.)

Re-evaluation

Is it bad that all of my best friends and funny moments are on my TV? I probably should get out more...I just love my TV. It entertains me and asks for nothing in return. That's probably a bad sign. I may need to re-evaluate my life.

I'll do it later though--I'm in the middle of a great show.

More Bacon Explanation

I thought I'd do a quick blog history for those who are joining later in the game.

Once, when whining to my mother about everything, I'm sure, I was complaining how my sister lived so far away and that it was bad because she lives on Eastern time zone, and the only good times for me to call her are at night, but it's too late for her, so when would I ever talk to her, etc. My mom suggested that I could call her from work on a break (which I do) and that we could still email, and that I should start a blog and that then we'd be able to keep up with each other's lives. (Incidentally, when I finally did get around to starting the blog, I'm pretty sure that my mother didn't remember it was her idea. I should have taken all the credit. She would never have known.)

So, for a long time, the idea was mulling around that I needed to start a blog. Last November, I went to see a Barenaked Ladies concert with my brother and his wife, who was pregnant at the time (maybe like 5 months? Trying to do the math in my head...maybe 6 months...) Anyway, the opening band was this WEIRD guy. Not only could we hardly understand a word he said, but we were also pretty sure that it wouldn't have mattered anyway. The good part about his set was actually this STRANGE little song where he played like a synthesizer and all of these different sounds and words, and he was totally grooving to it. It was quite unusual. But one of the things the synthesizer would say was the sound of a young kid saying "More Bacon Than the Pan Can Handle."

We thought it was hilarious. We had NO idea what it was supposed to mean (although on occasion I have come up with different meanings for it in my mind) but we just thought it was the funniest thing. So it became a joke that when JJ was born, those would be his first words.

Not too long after that was when I decided to start my blog, and I needed a name, and that one just stuck.

So that's what Jenn was referencing, LL. You're not old at all. It's not a song that anyone would know, I imagine, and it probably never would be. But it was funny. You would have laughed.

Unexplainable

My roommate moved out, so now I'm living alone (except for a few strange things she left behind...)

Anyway, yesterday I got home from church, cooked dinner (puff pancake), and bummed around the house for a while. Then I went out to ward prayer, and when I came back, my apartment smelled distinctly of fish. Um, I didn't make fish. I don't even have fish in the house, except for one thing in the freezer. And no one else could have made the fish because I am the only one who lives there.

How did that happen?

Still a bit fishy this morning...

Unreliable Friend

Sometimes, friends let you down. It's such a heartbreaker when you think you know someone and they turn out to be someone else altogether. I hate it when I rely so desperately on someone, and then at the critical moment, they flake out.

Case in point: my TiVo. I know, it doesn't seem like a TiVo is a friend, but for me, it is my friend. My best friend, probably. Pathetic? Maybe. But I don't care. We understand each other's needs (it needs to be plugged in, I need television to entertain me...), we respect each other, and we share many memorable experiences.

Tonight, in the middle of watching a show, my TiVo remote stopped working. I was trying to fast forward a commercial and it wouldn't do anything but bring up the time bar. Then, it wouldn't even do that. I tried taking the batteries out of the remote and putting them back in to see if that would help, but nothing. Then, without warning, the TiVo turned itself off. It turned back on and said that it was powering up. Then it said it was installing a service update, and then it rebooted itself again. Now, it says that it is preparing the service update, and that it may take up to an hour, possibly longer. Um, hello?!?!? What's up with that? There are PLENTY of times during a day when it would be okay for it to do this--right now is not one of them!

I was just a few minutes away from the end of a show. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happens.

I feel so betrayed.

Back to School

WHY?!?!?!? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

School starts again today. I was reading through the content on my web class, and at one part, the teacher wrote "I hope you have a profitable learning experience this semester." Um...

I might have a bad attitude, but especially with the classes I'm taking this semester, I'm not really excited about learning any of it. I just want it to be over.

I'm not sure I've ever been counting down to the end of the semester on the first day before.

Commencement

Today, I walked at commencement ceremonies for my Associate's degree. I don't think that most people celebrate an associate's degree, but since it took me 4 and a half years to get mine, I figured that I was entitled to a celebration. It was a good time to party, and my parents came to support me, as they always do. In another howevermany years, I'll get the Bachelor's degree. That'll be pretty amazing. I work full time, so school is taking forever, but they say it will be worth it.

Commencement is really the beginning of something. For many people, it's the beginning of careers and life. For me, it's the beginning of another cycle through school. I hope it's a good beginning though.

Laundry Day

I am single, and I'm not super high maintenance, so I end up only needing to do laundry every two weeks or so. This week, I did laundry on Thursday night. Promptly at lunch on Friday, I spilled on my shirt which was freshly washed. How does this happen? Why do I ALWAYS have a clothing disaster the day after I do laundry? I hardly ever spill things on myself, but I consistently make a mess the very day after I do my laundry.

Inevitably, it happens at work, so I get to spend the rest of the day with food on myself. This is not a fashionable look for the season, I imagine, but it's my look nonetheless.

So now, my poor shirt has to wait for two weeks to be washed. Naturally, I could wash it now, but I would have to run a load of laundry with just one shirt and like, two socks in it. This seems illogical--what a waste of time, energy, and water!

Thus, the shirt sits in the laundry basket. I think there is some sort of conspiracy to drive me nuts with my laundry, largely funded by my take out food products.

It's a hard life, clearly.

Getting Old...

As a rule, I think that people (especially women) feel old on their birthdays. I think that if you're a child, you're excited to get older. I'm not sure when you stop feeling that way.

I suppose I'm in a middle ground. I don't feel old at all. I'm not like, WAHOO! 23! either, so I can't be classified with the kids. So I don't know where I fall. But I don't feel old or sad at all, so that's good.

Yesterday was my birthday. I can't believe it's already April. Where has the time gone!?!?!?

Memory Loss

It's my understanding that memory loss goes along with age, so I accept that as I get older, I'll start to have a hard time remembering. But lately, I'm having a hard time remembering how old I am! I'm 22, turning 23 in less than a week, but for a while, I've been telling people that I'm 23 because it's pretty much true, and I don't have a problem with my age--I don't feel like I'm "old" in most ways, and it's just a number. Then the other day I was thinking about my upcoming birthday, and I was thinking, wow, I'll be 24. Except that's not true--I'll be 23.

What's even more funny is that I was telling this story to my mother, and she said, "you are 23." And then I had to think about it--what year was I born?? How old am I?!?!? I was correct--I am 22 turning 23. Apparently, memory loss runs in my family...

Swirling...

This week, I've been standing relatively still, watching the world swirl about me. Then again, maybe I'm just swirling around in the world. In any case, it has been unusual. The past few weeks, I haven't been in control of what is happening in my world, and that's always frustrating. I'm used to dealing with my own issues--I'm pretty tough, and I've been through a lot in my life, so when I struggle, I know how to deal with that. It's not a pretty picture, but it's doable. I find that most things in life are doable, if for no other reason than that you don't have a choice but to do them, but that's a topic for another time.

This past few weeks, I've been dealing with another kind of issue in addition to my own: the issues of those who matter to me. I am pretty involved in the lives of many people who work for the company where I work, and in the past little bit several of them have been tragically impacted, and I can't fix it. What do you tell someone who has experienced a traumatic event? How do you handle a situation where people are called into active duty in the military, living through some of the most dangerous situations on the planet. What can you say to the 23 year old widow? Unable to change the world, I do my best to simply support others. Then at the end of the day, I come home emotionally exhausted, remembering the burdens of others as well as my own.

So for now, I swirl. I float through life, waiting for my feet to land back on the ground. I hope that I find my footing soon.

Some things never get old...

I'm an aunt again. My fifth nephew was born this morning around 7:00. He is the first son of my brother and his wife, and he's just wonderful. I never get tired of having new nephews. He is snuggly and gorgeous, with a ton of hair, cute little eyes, and just all kinds of cuteness. An obedient child, he was born right on his due date, just as he had always planned, I imagine.

There is something so peaceful about holding a baby and snuggling him up to you. It was a wonderful event that brightened a rather crappy day at work. I love little tender mercies like that. When things get bad, there tends to be something wonderful to go right along with it to remind us to be of good cheer.

Acronyms

I know that when anyone is creating something that will be named by an acronym, they pay special attention to what it spells. Case in point: the government. They always name things with an acronym to further their point, like the USA PATRIOT Act. So, today I'm reading the paper, and it makes reference to the Goverment Records Access Management Act. Uh, is that GRAMA? Who planned that one??

Love?

What's the difference between love and being in love? I had someone tell me that she loved someone but didn't know if she was in love with him. Then I wondered: what's the difference? Is there a difference? There's platonic love, and brotherly love, but as far as romantic love is concerned, is there a difference between love and in love? In my logical frame of thinking, I would say that the difference is that if you're "in love," both people feel the same way. I think that the language of it implies that there is a mutual feeling, a symbiotic sort of something. Clearly, as the love expert, I'm going to say that's the difference, at least from a logical point of view.

So what's the deal with that? Can you be in love with someone who doesn't love you back? Can you have romantic love feelings for someone and not be "in love" with them?

There's a song that says "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return," and I think that's probably true. So is it harder to love or be loved? I find it pretty easy to love people, and maybe harder to be loved. But is that because I don't want to be loved or because no one loves me?

It's so hard to be scientific and examine situations like this when you don't have the proper variables. It's totally impeding my research.

Tired

Did you ever feel like nothing you do can make a difference? Like the situation you are in is the only way things can ever be? This, of course, is the kind of thinking that just breeds on itself and keeps you from getting anywhere.

But I've been wondering lately: what if this is as good as it gets? Can I be satistfied with things as they are? Can I be content to live my life as it is?

Trying to make a change is difficult. I know that I should be more social, but when I get home from work and school and finish my assignments and studying, I'm tired! I'm exhausted. I could use a nap. I've been telling people "good night" all day. Is it night? That's a negative. It is definitely day. Still. On and on and on...eyes half closed.

How long can you burn the candle at both ends? How long can a person survive trying to do everything and please everyone? And what happens when you can even do all the things you want to do, let alone the things that people want you to do? You end up just doing the bare minimum, the daily requirements of work and education. I'm exhaused, and I'm spinning my wheels getting no where. If only I had the energy to come up with something fun to do this weekend. But, as always, nothing sounds as fabulous as sleep.

Why is that the highlight of my life?

Love Day

Today is the official day of love. If only more things had an official day to celebrate them. I can see an official day to celebrate ice cream. Really good ice cream. A day to celebrate French pastries.

But since it's the day to celebrate love, let me just wish everyone a day full of love and wonderful things. Sometimes, love doesn't come the way we think it will, but we take what we can get. The only cure for love is to love more. I'm so lucky to have a beautiful family to love me.

The Letdown

Do you ever imagine something so wonderful, so perfect that the anticipation of the thing nearly kills you? So often, the thing turns out to be not nearly as wonderful as you imagined. You feel let down.

However, occasionally, the thing really lives up to all you imagined. This week, I'm suffering from a new kind of let down. I had a wonderful, marvelous, glorious vacation last week. I spent the week in total relaxation, talking and laughing with my sister, playing with my nephews, and doing a lot of baby snuggling. It was a perfect week. Now, I have a post-vacation let down. My vacation was everything I wanted it to be. This week, I'm back at work, and while there's nothing wrong with work, I can't help but ache for my sister and her boys back in Michigan. I keep looking at airline tickets out of habit, but then I remember that I can't go again any time soon, and then if she moves, there's no telling when it'll work for both our schedules for me to go back.

I left a piece of my heart in Michigan. Granted, it's a frozen piece because it's just 2 degrees there, but it's a piece of my heart nonetheless, and I feel incomplete without them. There is something so wonderful about just being with people who you love and who love you back. That's total joy.