At night, I come home and sit on my bed, physically and emotionally exhausted. The quiet of the evening overwhelms me, and I'm alone with my thoughts. Day turns to night as I evaluate my life. Directionless, I plug away at work and school. Life doesn't always turn out the way you planned, and then sometimes, you lose the plan entirely.
Today, I change things up--I go to get the mail. I pass two people in my ward sitting on the grass, chatting. My super-friendly ward (more on that to follow) has been a real adjustment for me. I recognize the chatters--I've met them before. I may even know one of their names. If I approach them, they'll probably talk to me. Fear wins out, and I smile, but say nothing as I walk past.
Alone again, my thoughts race. I turn on the TV to drown out the screaming quiet, but I feel only slightly comforted. I decide to continue in my unpacking. First priority? The XBox, naturally.
1 comment:
Remember, you haven't taken a vow of silence, or a vow of fear. You can simply say "hi" sometimes without feeling obligated to engage in a long conversation. Other times you can chat. You made this move for a reason. Now trust your initial prompting. You don't have to jump into the deep end. Just wade in from the shallow end and keep your feet a little wet even when it's scary. You may even find that you enjoy splashing around knee deep from time to time.
And watch out for that XBox- don't let it beguile you into an arid desert.
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