Quiet

All's quiet in the apartment tonight. I had a wonderful, relaxing dinner with an old friend. It's funny how, although we often go a year or more between our visits, it's like no time has passed at all and we just pick right up where we left off. It was so fun to see her and reminisce about when we were tiny girls. So much has changed, and yet some things remain the same.

After I returned to the apartment this evening, I checked on the top scorer so far in the game for my group. I don't want to go into all the details here. All you need to know is that the current leader is so far above my best-ever practice score that the ramifications are pretty sobering.

I've sat in the dark in the quiet for a few minutes now, desperately grasping for some bit of inspiration. I'll be spending the day in the testing center tomorrow, attempting to pull off a miracle. As I lay here on the floor of my dark living room, staring at the ceiling fan spinning, spinning, spinning, I'm feeling fairly overwhelmed. And I feel that I need to get some furniture. But that's a whole different blog posting.

Less than 12 hours until go time. I wish that things seemed more doable. No matter how I try it or think about it or figure it, I'm just not the best at this thing. And truthfully, I'm okay with not being the best at it.

I just wish I were adequate.