New Couch

Dear World,

I wanted to express my apologies for my inability to come see any of you outside of my apartment.

I just got a new couch, and it's so comfortable and snuggly that I have no need to leave.

Things are good here on the couch. I see no reason to go elsewhere.

Peacefully yours,

Liz

Peril

Another example of how difficult dating can be...

Stuff

My life seems to be ruled by stuff. As I continue to sift through boxes of stuff, I find that there is a big general category of stuff that I feel like I should keep, but it doesn't fit into file boxes.

I am THIS CLOSE to starting a new box called "Random Keepers." I have to get this leftover stuff out of my living room somehow.

It's totally throwing off the homeyness that my new love seat brings to the place.

Wonder Woman

Friends and family know that I've been shopping for furniture for the past three months or so. It's been difficult to find something that I like and that is in my price range (read: cheap).

Today, my parents came over to my house to help me put together some furniture and wire up some speakers I inherited from my brother (it's been a pretty fabulous couple of weeks, acquisition-wise). A few minutes after they left, my mother called to tell me she found a love seat that was very much like what I was searching for. The color wasn't quite what I had described, but the price was definitely right. She promptly sat down on the couch to discourage any other shoppers, as it was a clearance floor model.

She tried to send me a picture, but for some reason, the email didn't go through. After a few more tries, I told her that I'd hop in the car and drive down there to take a look at it. I asked what she was going to do, and she told me that she was going to stay on the couch and wait until I got there.

After I arrived, I examined the couch and quickly decided to purchase it. Some nearby women looked disappointed. Somebody's Mother had told me that they were circling the couch while she was there. My parents quickly headed to get their van so that they could help me get the love seat home. As the salesman was ringing me up, he told me that those other women had approached him earlier to ask about the couch. He told them that no one had talked to him about it so far, and then they explained that there was some woman sitting on it, but that they planned to purchase it if we didn't.

My fabulous parents helped me get the love seat into my apartment, where I now sit in luxury while blogging and watching TV.

Somebody's Mother isn't just some woman--she's Wonder Woman.

The Birthday Boy

Today is my dad's birthday. Although much in gratitude still needs to be said about him and my mother, for now, I just wanted to share one tidbit that I've been thinking about today.

I have several things around my house that I need help with. Every time I come up with something new, my mom just tells me that my dad can help me with it. She's correct--he's great at all of those kinds of things. He's been invaluable as I've been getting settled into my apartment.

Earlier this week, I told my mom that I was going to need to install some curtain rods, but that I wasn't sure how to do it. She told me that it was easy.

My response: Really?

Mom: Yep. C-A-L-L-D-A-D.

So true.

I'm so lucky to have a dad who is wonderful at so many things and is patient enough to help me learn all of them. Happy Birthday, Dad!!

Things to Not Do

Today, I did not start back to school. I didn't buy books, I didn't fight for registration for my choice classes, I didn't buy a parking pass...

It wasn't because I was avoiding, neglecting, or taking some time off. It was because I'm done.

Done.

What a strange, wonderful feeling it all is...

It'll take some getting used to, but I'm okay with that.

Judgy Judgerson

Today for work, I ended up in a place with essentially nothing to do except for watch people walk past. I was supposed to be giving information out to people, but I only had four requests. One was work related. The other three?

• Guy wanted to take one of my pens. Told him to go for it.
• Another guy wanted one of my pens. Told him to go for it. Thought that if it kept up, I might have to walk down the hall to get more pens. The thought of walking was unappealing, so I determined to stop giving away pens. (Turned out to be a non-issue, fortunately.)
• Someone wanted to know how to spell Massachusetts. I was not at a spelling booth, but apparently I looked like the best speller in that hallway. Terrifying. I rattled off quickly what I thought was right, and then he told me that he thought I was wrong. I told him that apparently, I couldn't help him. (I was wrong the first time, but only because I started to spell Mississippi halfway through. By the time he thought I was wrong, I was right, but it was too late. Whatever.)

The rest of the time, I sat and passed judgement on people. As tour groups came through the area, the guide would often tell people that that particular hallway was where people sat and judged others walking through. So true.

Saw some interesting outfits, some high drama, questionable footwear, etc.

Best thing I saw? Guy moving a huge cabinet on a dolly crashing into a wall. Made my morning.

Quick Update

Several people have commented on my lack of blog postings recently. Some of those people need to decide if they want to be the pot or the kettle...but I digress. Truthfully, I've started about a dozen different posts and never finished/published them because I decided that either it was boring or that I didn't care to share it. Sorry.

Here's a quick update in the form of some random tidbits and thoughts.

• Met two people from the area where my dad grew up today. I've never met anyone who has even heard of the place before--totally crazy!
• You're now thinking, "I bet I've heard of that place." You're wrong. (Unless you're related to me, which would make you an exception. Don't you feel special?)
• Evidence against dating younger men? I give you Star Wars, the Anakin/Padme romance. Doomed, people. Doomed.
• Sorting through boxes from my childhood. Tons of papers and junk. What's a girl to do with all that stuff? Most of it is being thrown away or shredded, but some of it deserves to be preserved. Back into a box, I suppose...I'm destined to perpetually have a stack of boxes in my apartment.
• I rediscovered my love for sour patch watermelons. Please keep them away from me, or I will eat them all.
• In related news, seem to have lost my sense of self-preservation. Anyone want to go sky diving?
• Watching a TV show right now about a 16-year-old girl who is developmentally delayed and only the size of an 11-month-old baby. Bizarre.
• I need to get a haircut. My hair girl is finally coming back from maternity leave. If I can impart only one piece of knowledge to you, gentle reader, may it be this: find a great hair stylist and tip her well so that she never abandons you. If mine ever quits cutting hair, I'm going to start to look even frumpier. Yikes.
• I'm of a firm belief that people who work together shouldn't engage in a romantic relationship. However, today, I came up with an exception. People at my company should be allowed to date each other for my entertainment as they date, break up, make up, awkwardly flirt, etc. Today was delightful. Keep it up, people.
• Sort of feeling like a terrible person for getting so much entertainment out of today's awkward post-break-up flirtfest. Don't judge me. You would've been entertained, too. And they'll probably get back together soon, so it's all good.
• My mom makes the world's best fresh peach pie. You may think that I'm exaggerating, but really--best fresh peach pie in the world. Peaches? Fabulous. Pie? Wonderful. Together?? Pure, beautiful magic.

Corn

How much corn should one person buy at a time?

I'm thinking the number is smaller than what I purchased today.

However, the people at the corn stand didn't know that it was all for me, so it's all good.

If any of you happen to see those corn people, don't tell them that all the corn I buy gets eaten by me. They might cut me off, and I need my corn!!

Maybe I need to get some disguises and aliases for my corn purchases...dinner is getting so complicated.

Theft

Today, I'm alone in the office as all my coworkers either have the day off or are working on an unpleasant project at another office.

Although I've done quite a bit of talking on the phone with employees at other branches, there has been very little foot traffic through the office today, which is nice.

However, I just had a visit from the person in accounting whose responsibility is fixed assets.

Occasionally, he'll visit each office, writing down numbers from bar codes on items ranging from chairs to phones to calculators to computer equipment and everything you can imagine. Even the plastic mat that chairs roll around on is accounted for, and he makes sure that we are not in possession of anything that is not ours, nor missing anything we should possess.

Today, he was here with a single purpose:

Fixed Assets Man: (looking at the TV in the department) Okay, this one's a Panasonic, and it's got a bar code, but... (trails off)
Me: (silence--best to not speak until spoken to with regard to fixed assets)
FAM: This isn't it, though. You must've taken one of our TVs home with you.
Me: (thinking how I would NEVER steal any of our lame, old TVs) Nope, we've just had these two TVs in our department for around the past five years.
FAM: (thoughtful shuffling of his paperwork)
Me: Uh, but if I find an extra TV somewhere, I'll let you know!
FAM: Okay, thanks.

And off he went. We've had both of our TVs for longer than he has worked for the company, so I have a bit of an edge on him. The TV he was looking at actually has questionable origin--that's why I didn't originally say anything to him about it. I'm pretty sure if he looks back through the paperwork from many, many years ago, he may discover the origin of the TV and try to repossess it. Then again, I may not have the story straight--maybe it's not the TV that has the questionable origin, but perhaps the DVD player on its stand...

Having worked in my department for a little over four years now, I remember bits and pieces of stories that I was told by former department employees who are now all long gone. No one in the department now would've heard those stories, so I may be the only one who knows of the questionable origin of the TV/equipment.

Shhhh...don't tell.

Unless you remember the story and can enlighten me--seriously, pretty sure we commandeered that TV and/or DVD player.

Fun

It has recently come to my attention that I am not, in fact, very fun.

I've been training employees in the past few weeks. Because we are quite busy at work, one of my coworkers is usually in the next room training other employees. I can tell that the training next door is more fun than I am, but I'm largely unconcerned by it, having cemented my status as the least-fun trainer many years ago. I am, however, concerned by my lack of concern. In turn, I'm confused by my concern over my lack of concern.

A few weeks ago, an employee at my company asked me what I do for fun. I paused, and then realized that I had no idea what I did for fun.

So, I'm working on finding things to have/be more fun.

I came across a giant list of random ideas for having more fun.

On the list? Getting drunk and doing drugs.

Helpful. Very helpful.

Besides, if I was going to be a drinking woman, I should've taken it up while I was still an undergrad.

Smarts

This week, I commented to someone that I didn't think that another person was smart enough to have done something we were discussing. The identity of the person and the nature of the task are irrelevant for this blog posting.

The more I thought about my original assessment of the person, the more I've thought about the different kinds of smart there are in the world.

A sampling of what I've come up with so far:

• Street smart: good at finding alleys, making shivs
• Book smart: skilled in finding square roots, wearing square cardboard hats
• Finance smart: retiring sooner and richer than the rest of us
• Jeopardy smart: excels in knowing a little bit about many things, rapid button pressing
• Evil genius smart: currently on phase 2 or 3 of global domination plan

Each type is powerful, different, and equally valuable.

Next time I say that I don't think someone is smart enough to have done something, I need to clarify which kind of smart it is that I think they don't have.

Or I can just stop saying that I don't think people are smart. It sounds much meaner than it did in my head. In my defense, I was referring to evil genius smart, which is probably okay not to have.

Welcome Back

My sister and her family were in town this week for a visit, so I got to spend pretty much the whole week bumming around with them, playing with the boys, chatting with my sis and her hubby, and basically just having a fabulous time.

Now, she's gone. Their plane should've taken off a few minutes ago.

Back to real life. Back to focusing. Back to sorting. Back to figuring out what on earth I'm doing.

First order of business? Tough call. Either shower or nap. It's almost 8:00, so I shouldn't take a nap...I feel really tired, but I think that's mostly because I'm sad.

Last time I went out to visit my sister and her family, one of her sons had a ball that broke. He started to fuss and cry about how sad it was, and she reminded him that instead of crying when things were over, we could remember all the fun times we had with the ball and how great it was.

So, in that spirit, here's a funny list of things my nephews said/did while they were here.

---------

Bean (4 years old): That's our stroller!

Me: Well, hello, strolley!!

Bean: (completely serious, and slightly confused): It does not talk.

---------

Me: I've got your feet! What are you going to go now??

Bean: The airport.

---------

Me: Okay, I'm heading out!

Moo (2.5 years old): Where are you going?

Me: Work.

Moo: Why?

Me: (long pause) I have no idea...

---------

Me: I'm sure going to miss you! When should I come visit?

Bean: How about Saturday?

Me: Um, I can't come on Saturday...

Bean: Okay, how about Thursday?

Me: I have to work on Thursday.

Bean: Why?

Me: (sigh) I don't know...

---------

Bean: You're tasty all over!

---------

Moo: I'm burned! I'm burned!

---------

Bug: (drool, cry, redeem self with gorgeous smile)

---------

Bean: Peanut butter and jelly is a big snack. Peanut butter and jam is a little snack.

---------

Bean: Are you kidding me??

---------

Bean: Are you sad?

Me: Why?

Bean: Because your room is so messy.

Me: Uh, yeah, I guess I am.

Bean: Why is it so messy?

Me: Um, I've been busy...

Things We Know

Today, two things were reaffirmed for me:

First, I love corn on the cob. Love it. Could eat whole farms' worth of it.

Second, I should not eat corn on the cob in public. Seriously. It's a good thing I had dinner alone tonight.

These two important facts lead us to a sad realization: I don't want to stop eating corn, so I'm just going to have to not go out into public.

Strangely, I'm okay with that.

Weird Night

Probably only a few of you know this, but Sunday night is my least favorite night of the week.

Sunday night gets completely stomped on by Monday morning. Work and school both weigh heavily on my mind, and I spend most Sunday nights delaying the inevitable retirement to bed. It's not that I don't like to sleep--I LOVE sleeping--rather, it's that once I'm asleep, it will be just moments until it's time to wake up.

So this particular Sunday night is strange. There remain certain elements of my usual Sunday night feelings, but some of it is sort of like a phantom limb--I can feel it even though it's not there. There is no homework this week. There won't be. No classes, no assignments, no unpleasant group meetings...nothing.

And in truth, I'm only working two days this week because after that, my sister, her husband, and their three sweet little boys will out visiting, so I'm taking Wednesday through Friday off to relax, play, catch up, and celebrate with my entire family. I'm really looking forward to it.

So why am I still avoiding the end of the day?

Funnies

One of my good friends has recently posted a couple of Demitri Martin quotes that made me laugh out loud, so I thought I'd pass them along to brighten whatever day it is when you happen upon this posting.

"'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after 'I love you' or 'You're going to live' or 'It's a boy.'"

"I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater."

A Quote

This morning, one of my emails was a "quote of the day" message.

The first line of today's quote?

"You can do anything you think you can."

It turns out that's true.

So start thinking, and get doing!

Lots of People Go To College for Seven Years

Many of the posts over the next few weeks and months will be graduation related. Just go with it.

Last night, the schedule for presentations was delayed because the professor was ripping apart each presentation.

But by 7:25 or so, we were done. I said goodbye to the group I had spent countless hours with, and after pausing alone inside the doorway, I left the business building for the last time as a student.

Surprisingly, there weren't any people around campus. I suppose it had something to do with the fact that it was the evening before a holiday break, but it seemed like everyone knew that I just needed a few minutes on my own.

I share so many of the details of my life here, but those few minutes I'm keeping just for me.

Later, after I walked through the crazy, sidewalk-watering sprinklers, I stepped off of campus and stepped into something new.

Over the years, I've played that moment over and over in my mind. How would it feel to be done? What would it be like?

It was the way I imagined in many ways, and different in many others.

For about a year, I have known one of the things that would tell you all for this moment. It's a quote from a movie. (In fact, it's one of the two things that ran through my head all year, both from movies--the other is found in the subject line.) This movie not a particularly remarkable piece of cinema, but it's funny, and this is one of my favorite quotes:

"I graduated. It's over. I did it. I know most of you are saying, any idiot can do that, but it was tough for me, so BACK OFF!"

-Billy Madison

The Captain's Big Day

Since today is a holiday in Utah (got to love those pioneers!), I didn't have to go into work or anything. It's Captain Awesome's birthday, so he and I headed out to Taste of the Valley in Provo and met up with some family there. Basically, you pay to get a ticket to walk around and eat lots of food from different local restaurants. Tasty. It was a bit too hot after about 30 minutes, but it was great fun.

The event is put on each year by the Provo/Orem Chamber of Commerce. I recognized the president of the chamber when we bumped into him because he spoke at my executive lecture series last semester. He's also the brother of someone my parents have known for years. He was very jazzed about the event, as the president should be. There was a free face painting booth at the event staffed by the BYU Art Education Department as well, and the president of the chamber of commerce had a little "Y" for BYU painted on his cheek. I explained to Captain Awesome who the president was when we bumped into him, but we didn't think too much of it afterward.

Later, as Captain Awesome and one of our other brothers, Sew-man, sat and ate some food, they discussed how funny they thought it would be to tell the BYU people that they wanted to have them paint a "U" for University of Utah on one of their cheeks. (The humor here is derived from a long-running rivalry between the two schools.) Sew-man, being the older brother, managed to convince Captain Awesome to go try. The Captain agreed, assuming that the painters would not go along with it.

They did.

He then realized that he couldn't back down, so he got a "U" symbol on his cheek.

Later, as we stood in another line, who should happen upon us but the president of the Provo/Orem Chamber of Commerce and his "Y" symbol.

He went out of his way to talk to Captain Awesome and tease him a little bit. The Captain then sheepishly explained how he ended up with his cheek art.

Classic. A beautiful moment in our day.

Then, we came back to my place to play XBox, something I often say I'll do with him but haven't had time for. We were both pretty bad at the game, but it was super fun. We watched a movie, and then I drove him back to his house so that he could get a nap before a night of crazy partying with his friends. All in all, it was a great day, and I'm glad to have Captain Awesome as my little brother!

Good Morning

Welcome to the rest of my life.