Commencement

Today, I walked at commencement ceremonies for my Associate's degree. I don't think that most people celebrate an associate's degree, but since it took me 4 and a half years to get mine, I figured that I was entitled to a celebration. It was a good time to party, and my parents came to support me, as they always do. In another howevermany years, I'll get the Bachelor's degree. That'll be pretty amazing. I work full time, so school is taking forever, but they say it will be worth it.

Commencement is really the beginning of something. For many people, it's the beginning of careers and life. For me, it's the beginning of another cycle through school. I hope it's a good beginning though.

Laundry Day

I am single, and I'm not super high maintenance, so I end up only needing to do laundry every two weeks or so. This week, I did laundry on Thursday night. Promptly at lunch on Friday, I spilled on my shirt which was freshly washed. How does this happen? Why do I ALWAYS have a clothing disaster the day after I do laundry? I hardly ever spill things on myself, but I consistently make a mess the very day after I do my laundry.

Inevitably, it happens at work, so I get to spend the rest of the day with food on myself. This is not a fashionable look for the season, I imagine, but it's my look nonetheless.

So now, my poor shirt has to wait for two weeks to be washed. Naturally, I could wash it now, but I would have to run a load of laundry with just one shirt and like, two socks in it. This seems illogical--what a waste of time, energy, and water!

Thus, the shirt sits in the laundry basket. I think there is some sort of conspiracy to drive me nuts with my laundry, largely funded by my take out food products.

It's a hard life, clearly.

Getting Old...

As a rule, I think that people (especially women) feel old on their birthdays. I think that if you're a child, you're excited to get older. I'm not sure when you stop feeling that way.

I suppose I'm in a middle ground. I don't feel old at all. I'm not like, WAHOO! 23! either, so I can't be classified with the kids. So I don't know where I fall. But I don't feel old or sad at all, so that's good.

Yesterday was my birthday. I can't believe it's already April. Where has the time gone!?!?!?

Memory Loss

It's my understanding that memory loss goes along with age, so I accept that as I get older, I'll start to have a hard time remembering. But lately, I'm having a hard time remembering how old I am! I'm 22, turning 23 in less than a week, but for a while, I've been telling people that I'm 23 because it's pretty much true, and I don't have a problem with my age--I don't feel like I'm "old" in most ways, and it's just a number. Then the other day I was thinking about my upcoming birthday, and I was thinking, wow, I'll be 24. Except that's not true--I'll be 23.

What's even more funny is that I was telling this story to my mother, and she said, "you are 23." And then I had to think about it--what year was I born?? How old am I?!?!? I was correct--I am 22 turning 23. Apparently, memory loss runs in my family...

Swirling...

This week, I've been standing relatively still, watching the world swirl about me. Then again, maybe I'm just swirling around in the world. In any case, it has been unusual. The past few weeks, I haven't been in control of what is happening in my world, and that's always frustrating. I'm used to dealing with my own issues--I'm pretty tough, and I've been through a lot in my life, so when I struggle, I know how to deal with that. It's not a pretty picture, but it's doable. I find that most things in life are doable, if for no other reason than that you don't have a choice but to do them, but that's a topic for another time.

This past few weeks, I've been dealing with another kind of issue in addition to my own: the issues of those who matter to me. I am pretty involved in the lives of many people who work for the company where I work, and in the past little bit several of them have been tragically impacted, and I can't fix it. What do you tell someone who has experienced a traumatic event? How do you handle a situation where people are called into active duty in the military, living through some of the most dangerous situations on the planet. What can you say to the 23 year old widow? Unable to change the world, I do my best to simply support others. Then at the end of the day, I come home emotionally exhausted, remembering the burdens of others as well as my own.

So for now, I swirl. I float through life, waiting for my feet to land back on the ground. I hope that I find my footing soon.

Some things never get old...

I'm an aunt again. My fifth nephew was born this morning around 7:00. He is the first son of my brother and his wife, and he's just wonderful. I never get tired of having new nephews. He is snuggly and gorgeous, with a ton of hair, cute little eyes, and just all kinds of cuteness. An obedient child, he was born right on his due date, just as he had always planned, I imagine.

There is something so peaceful about holding a baby and snuggling him up to you. It was a wonderful event that brightened a rather crappy day at work. I love little tender mercies like that. When things get bad, there tends to be something wonderful to go right along with it to remind us to be of good cheer.

Acronyms

I know that when anyone is creating something that will be named by an acronym, they pay special attention to what it spells. Case in point: the government. They always name things with an acronym to further their point, like the USA PATRIOT Act. So, today I'm reading the paper, and it makes reference to the Goverment Records Access Management Act. Uh, is that GRAMA? Who planned that one??

Love?

What's the difference between love and being in love? I had someone tell me that she loved someone but didn't know if she was in love with him. Then I wondered: what's the difference? Is there a difference? There's platonic love, and brotherly love, but as far as romantic love is concerned, is there a difference between love and in love? In my logical frame of thinking, I would say that the difference is that if you're "in love," both people feel the same way. I think that the language of it implies that there is a mutual feeling, a symbiotic sort of something. Clearly, as the love expert, I'm going to say that's the difference, at least from a logical point of view.

So what's the deal with that? Can you be in love with someone who doesn't love you back? Can you have romantic love feelings for someone and not be "in love" with them?

There's a song that says "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return," and I think that's probably true. So is it harder to love or be loved? I find it pretty easy to love people, and maybe harder to be loved. But is that because I don't want to be loved or because no one loves me?

It's so hard to be scientific and examine situations like this when you don't have the proper variables. It's totally impeding my research.

Tired

Did you ever feel like nothing you do can make a difference? Like the situation you are in is the only way things can ever be? This, of course, is the kind of thinking that just breeds on itself and keeps you from getting anywhere.

But I've been wondering lately: what if this is as good as it gets? Can I be satistfied with things as they are? Can I be content to live my life as it is?

Trying to make a change is difficult. I know that I should be more social, but when I get home from work and school and finish my assignments and studying, I'm tired! I'm exhausted. I could use a nap. I've been telling people "good night" all day. Is it night? That's a negative. It is definitely day. Still. On and on and on...eyes half closed.

How long can you burn the candle at both ends? How long can a person survive trying to do everything and please everyone? And what happens when you can even do all the things you want to do, let alone the things that people want you to do? You end up just doing the bare minimum, the daily requirements of work and education. I'm exhaused, and I'm spinning my wheels getting no where. If only I had the energy to come up with something fun to do this weekend. But, as always, nothing sounds as fabulous as sleep.

Why is that the highlight of my life?

Love Day

Today is the official day of love. If only more things had an official day to celebrate them. I can see an official day to celebrate ice cream. Really good ice cream. A day to celebrate French pastries.

But since it's the day to celebrate love, let me just wish everyone a day full of love and wonderful things. Sometimes, love doesn't come the way we think it will, but we take what we can get. The only cure for love is to love more. I'm so lucky to have a beautiful family to love me.

The Letdown

Do you ever imagine something so wonderful, so perfect that the anticipation of the thing nearly kills you? So often, the thing turns out to be not nearly as wonderful as you imagined. You feel let down.

However, occasionally, the thing really lives up to all you imagined. This week, I'm suffering from a new kind of let down. I had a wonderful, marvelous, glorious vacation last week. I spent the week in total relaxation, talking and laughing with my sister, playing with my nephews, and doing a lot of baby snuggling. It was a perfect week. Now, I have a post-vacation let down. My vacation was everything I wanted it to be. This week, I'm back at work, and while there's nothing wrong with work, I can't help but ache for my sister and her boys back in Michigan. I keep looking at airline tickets out of habit, but then I remember that I can't go again any time soon, and then if she moves, there's no telling when it'll work for both our schedules for me to go back.

I left a piece of my heart in Michigan. Granted, it's a frozen piece because it's just 2 degrees there, but it's a piece of my heart nonetheless, and I feel incomplete without them. There is something so wonderful about just being with people who you love and who love you back. That's total joy.

The Thrills of Being "Young and Fabulous"

This is the prime of my life, or so I'm told. Enjoy it while you can, they say...you'll miss these days once you're married and have kids... And I smile and nod and agree, but I wonder if anyone really remembers what it's like to be young and fabulous. I work at least 40 hours a week, and then I have two courses at Utah Valley State College that occupy a good portion of my time. So here I am. It's Friday night. The night of nights. The night which belongs to the young and fabulous. Yet, strangely, I am at my apartment doing homework that must be done before midnight. I'm not doing the homework tonight purely due to procrastination--I've been busy--but now the deadline looms before me like the sunset which took place hours ago, while I was still doing homework. Pumpkin-inevitability aside, I would probably still be at home. Why? Because being young and fabulous is exhausting. By the end of the week, I am too tired for much beyond sleeping. In fact, I probably go to bed earlier on Friday nights than on any other night. Why is that? Here, in the "prime of my life," I am completely worn out. Could it be that being young and fabulous is much less glamorous than it sounds? Or have I not yet achieved an appropriate level of "fabulosity?" Am I missing something? What is it about being young and fabulous that is so fabulous? Or is it just me? I suppose it's irrelevant. My Macroeconomics homework is beckoning. I must now evaluate which products the countries of Tunata and Canswicki should produce--baby formula or cans of tuna? Glamorous, isn't it? And very educational.

That's all the bacon for now.